“Grief is just Love with nowhere to go”
The earliest memory I have is of my baby brother’s funeral, two years younger than me who passed away at the tender age of one. I have no memories of him, what he looked like, his cry or his laugh but I have memories of my mom crying over his casket as they laid him to rest. This was my entry into the world, grief.
Fast forward to 23 years later, I’m bailing my mom out of jail over a DUI and I’m seeing her at one of her lowest points in life. The helplessness my family and I felt at the time is indescribable but if you’ve ever dealt with a loved one who’s dealing with addiction, you’d understand. At times, it can feel as though your loved one has passed away, and even though they may live, a version of them has died. I tried Al-Anon family groups which is basically a support system for family members of someone who is struggling with addiction, I tried reading scripture, I tried counseling but at the end of the day, the biggest thing that helped was throwing myself wholly into my art.
I’ve always felt some type of guilt that I get to live but an innocent baby doesn’t get to, so I made a promise to myself one year ago that I have to live for two people, my baby brother and myself. That means overcoming any fears of judgement, embarrassment or failure. Unfortunately, the effects of grief have affected all aspects of my family’s lives, especially my parents whose marriage wasn’t able to last. The effects hit me indirectly, where because of my experiences growing up, I have trouble opening up and expressing myself to those closest to me, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Those closest to me have told me that I have a wall built up that is impenetrable but the irony is I’m able to express myself so easily through art which is why the “Amor Eterno” t-shirt is so important to me.
Originally written by Juan Gabriel, the song is a heartfelt letter to his deceased mother, who passed away before he reached superstardom. I will include lyrics at the end of this blog post, but I highly recommend watching his performance of “Amor Eterno” at El Palacio de Bellas Artes (link). He described perfectly the feeling of grief.
Grief is a motherfu**er but it’s important to remember that it’s up to us to attach meaning to experiences and to live for those who can’t.
With Love, Ozzie.
Amor Eterno by Juan Gabriel
[Intro]
Claro
Quiero dedicar esta canción con mucho amor y respeto
Más que una canción, es una oración de amor que quiero dedicar
Como siempre, con el mismo amor, cariño y respeto
A todas las mamás que esta noche me han venido a visitar
Sobre todo, para aquellas que están un poquito más lejos de mí
[Verso 1]
Tú eres la tristeza de mis ojos
Que lloran en silencio por tu amor
Me miro en el espejo y veo en mi rostro
El tiempo que he sufrido por tu adiós
Obligo a que te olvide el pensamiento
Pues siempre estoy pensando en el ayer
Prefiero estar dormido que despierto
De tanto y tanto que me duele que no estés
[Coro]
Cómo quisiera que tú vivieras
Que tus ojitos jamás se hubieran
Cerrado nunca y estar mirándolos
Amor eterno e inolvidable
Pero tarde o temprano, yo voy a estar contigo
Para seguir amándonos
[Verso 2]
Yo he sufrido mucho por tu ausencia
Desde ese día hasta hoy, no soy feliz
Y aunque tengo y muy tranquila mi conciencia
Yo sé que pude y sé que pude haber yo hecho más por ti
Oscura soledad estoy viviendo yo
La misma soledad de tu sepulcro, mamá
Y es que tú eres, es que tú eres el amor del cual yo tengo
El más triste recuerdo de Acapulco
[Coro: Juan Gabriel, público]
Pero cómo quisiera que tú vivieras
Que tus ojitos jamás se hubieran
Cerrado nunca y estar mirándolos
Amor eterno e inolvidable
Pero tarde o temprano, estaré contigo
Para seguir amándonos
[Post-Coro]
Amor eterno
Eterno
Amor eterno
Eterno
[Puente]
Ojos que hayan derramado tantas lágrimas por penas
De dolor, de amor, de tantas despedidas y despenas
Soledad, eso es todo lo que tengo ahora, y tus recuerdos
Que hacen más triste la angustia de vivir pensando, como siempre, en ti
Ojos que te vieron tanto y que no han vuelto a verte hasta el sol de hoy
Tristes de tanto extrañarte y de tanto esperarte desde aquel adiós
Soledad, eso es todo lo que tengo ahora, y eso es todo lo que tengo ahora y tus recuerdos
Que hacen más triste la angustia de vivir pensando, como siempre, para siempre y por siempre, en ti
[Outro]
Amor eterno
Eterno
Amor eterno
Eterno amor
Amor, amor, amor, amor
Amor, amor eterno